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To Gifts Given

So much have I wanted
Not just all manner of endless things
Not just places and certain work (some
to increase my wealth of mind, others of muscle)
Not just time or the lack of rain, or blessed rain in so long its coming
Not just positive words or gentleness or just a few moments more of strength to carry me to a glory or a breath past my foolishness
Not just words to put to a page, or the ones I hoped to hear from her.
Not just to have the book, though sometimes that too, but to know the wisdom therein.
Not just a meal, but a feast, and with drink and company and warmth everywhere and in my bed, and even the dream while I am sleeping.
So much I have wanted
Convinced that I was righteous, that it was my right
These gifts were mine, even before they might ever be given and I
Full of tragedy, even up to my eyes when I would watch them pass not to my hands.
What astonishment there was in me then when
For once
(Thinking quietly and without greed
When for a moment I left life alone
Not running for it like a child with a
Net and butterfly dancing away)
I glanced at a glass of water another man drank and I
Thought this is a gift
Then watching a pretty girl laugh and kiss her lover
The passion pressed up from her toes on tip to the
Tilt of her head and I
Thought this is a gift
Then in the street a yellow shape bloomed and
Sped off in a blur of ecstasy and I
Thought this is a gift
And to my ears musical notes danced with true words
Their long satin dresses puffed in the twirl moving in and
Out of the whirling black notes and I thought
This is a gift

And blood rushed in my hands and the sinews of my
Muscles flexed and something under my nose tingled and
I could almost see the tree on the corner breathing in and out and
I thought this is a gift
I was like a child at a Christmas tree
In no fixed house and
No wish unanswered for the presents
Are given and given again
Not just to me, but to everyone and everything.
Oh that I might learn to keep these eyes
So enlightened with such a weight that weighs
Nothing will I ever want